Expedited

So one of the things that I've been salty about for roughly two and a half years is my lack of a real desk in a real office space that was mine and mine alone.  I don't blame anybody but myself.  I should have agitated more.  I should have demanded more.  But I didn't.  And that's how I ended up writing more than half of a book on a card table in a room filled to the gills with storage offcasts and construction garbage.

Now that I have a new place with a space that I have dedicated "my office", I have been doing this thing where I have a couple of drinks and start pointing at people saying "SEE.  This is such a METAPHOR.  For how little he RESPECTED or BELIEVED IN what I DO."  Is it really?  I have no idea.  But the hypothetical metaphor buck stops here.

Never again will I say "I didn't really have an office so much as a wobbly card table.  In a closet." and then watch the person I'm talking to raise their eyebrows in that "OH RILLLLLY" kind of way.

Internet, meet Frankendesk, the new source of DuchessJane.com and assorted enterprises.  It is an unapproved marriage of the IKEA Expedit desk and the Expedit 2x2 shelf. 

That picture was taken after all of the pieces were unboxed and balanced against each other, not screwed down in any way, hence the gaps and areas it obviously isn't lining up right.  I sent that photo to several people with the caption "The revolution starts now, motherfuckers."  What am I revolting against?  THE TYRANNY OF DESKLESSNESS.  Also?  All of that fit in my car AND I put that shit together myself. I'm talking about a revolution.

Yeah, so these are pieces of my dream desk but not in the configuration that I will eventually have someday.  I also own the Expedit 4x4 bookcase, which is what the desk is supposed to attach to.  So the brackets that are made to attach to the middle skinny shelves on the big bookcase do not work to attach the shelves to the thicker top of the little one.

I bought all of the pieces anyway, knowing it wasn't going to work, but confident there was some way to make it happen.  The desk is now held together with two long pieces of flat steel that go under the the top of the bookcase and run under the desk.  Duke drilled out the metal for me, in the spots to match the existing screw holes.  There is an obvious gap between the top shelf and the side rails where the metal sits, but I'm calling it a big win.

And when I take it all apart someday, everything is reusable.  The only permanent modifications are the screw holes on the bottom of the desk.  Provided I don't lose all of the mounting hardware, the desk will be usable with my big bookcase as originally designed and the little one will be unscathed.

Note:  The best time to go to IKEA?  20 minutes before closing on a Thursday night.  I walked in with the aisle and bin numbers of everything I needed written on my hand, there was nobody else there, and then flew through the express self-checkout.  Next time I'll avoid the self-checkout.  They don't have Swedish Fish there.