My Significantly Open Relationship

This post started out titled "Notes from Days 1 to 4" but I kind of figured that this title would result in more click-throughs.  I'm such a sellout like that.

I am officially living and sleeping in the new place, and it's going well.  Wrecks is adjusting . . . . ish.  He spent the first night pacing and has decided he needs to go outside at 2-3 am every morning.  I've also been limiting his access to the house a little until he gets used to the space.  When I'm upstairs and I don't want him wandering freely on the main floor, I slide a piece of cardboard (we call it the Iron Curtain) across the doorway to the stairs.  A couple of times, he's sat and pawed at it and barked at it, and then when I opened it to see what he'd do, he just sat at the top of the stairs and stared down them, looking rather terrified.

I get it man, I really do.  Freedom can be terrifying.

Wrecks escaped the yard once already.  There is a gap in the fence that I misjudged that is indeed large enough for him to squeeze through, and while he's never been a dog that sought out an escape route before, he's also never been a dog that lived with other dogs all around him before either.  He didn't make it far - the front yard. 

After being recovered/captured/re-enslaved, Wrecks went inside, and I went back to organizing some stuff in my new bedroom.  I turned my back on him for 4 nanoseconds, and when I looked at him again, he was valiantly attempting to drag my cherished irreplaceable childhood teddy bear into his crate.  The main problem was that the bear was about twice as wide as the door to the crate, so he was tugging and tugging, and if he'd succeeded, he would have trapped himself inside the crate behind the bear.  Had it been anything but that bear, I would have filmed first and rescued the stuffed animal secondly, and we'd all be watching the world's most hilarious video right now.  Sorry.

I am also adjusting . . . ish.  Freedom can be terrifying.  I'm enjoying certain components of it and struggling with others.  I've mentioned here before that my move meant that I'd be further from my office than ever before but very close to much of my social life instead of the reverse, as it's been since the day I moved out of my parents' house.  This part is something I'm still not quite used to, because the concept of "going out" is so very different now.  Starbucks for a quick cup of coffee and some conversation with a pal?  Done.  Swing past the race shop and snap a few photos?  Done.  Dinner and drinks with my boys when they are done working for the night?  Done.  None of these are big ordeals that consume an entire night or require advanced planning anymore.  Throw some laundry in, grab dinner out, come home, spend an hour playing with Wrecks, update some websites (not this one, this week, clearly), go back out . . . it's effortless.  So effortless that I occasionally forget it's now possible.

I have had some interesting reactions to the news that I'm dating again already, and I get it.  I have no issues with those who are surprised, it is surprising.  If you weren't close enough to me over the last year to know that I spent much of it in a relationship where (channel Ross Gellar now) WE WERE ON A BREAK, it's something that appears too soon, too fast, too whatever.  I get that.  And even without the ON A BREAKness, I do understand people's concern that I not move too fast, jump into anything too quickly.  I'm with you.  This is a snail's pace I'm at, I promise.  My adjustment and healing period will not be spent staring at four walls and eating Moose Tracks and crying my single girl tears into my single pillow on my single bed, wondering why nobody loves me.  I'll go out.  Alone and with people.  I'll travel.  Alone and with people.  Some of those people will be old friends or acquaintances who have expressed interest in spending more time together now that my status has changed (I'm like a cab, my light is on), some will be new friends, some will be - as one person keeps insisting on phrasing it - "real people", and some will be "internet people".  I'll do what I've done every day for the last year - every happy day, at least - which is to wake up to a great big pile of opportunities and do the things that amuse me, fulfill me, and connect me to a Universe full of love.  Some of that is going to look a lot like dating.

One of my best girlfriends was recently researching how to completely remove her relationship status from her Facebook profile, how to un-answer the question, so that instead of "single", she was just blank.  I get that.  Single has such a strong connotation to me.  It's so very "I'm looking for something" when being single doesn't always mean looking for a relationship.  I signed into Facebook yesterday to review the choices, not quite content with Single.  I elected to go with "In an open relationship with . . ." but when I attempted to fill in my own name in the blank, it wouldn't work, it wouldn't save it.  I'd have to be friends with myself before I could be in an open relationship with myself, which would require a second Facebook profile, which would be an alternate version of me, not ME me.

But really, that's the message I want to send.  I'm not single, alone, looking, in need.  I've become quite significant to myself, we have a strong bond, we are really happy, just the two of us.  But others are welcome to join us, if the situation is right.