Assless Chaps and Church Sign Fonts

This review will be disappointing for 2 reasons:

1. I forgot my little USB card reader for my camera in a different purse, thus I can't post pictures until at least lunchtime if not later.
2. I am really tired damn near comatose this morning. My neighbor dumped her boyfriend in the middle of the night and he spent 2 hours banging on the door and screaming obscenities at her until the cops showed up and hauled him off. Wrecks was on Bad Guy Danger Alert Mode all night long.

So I had a date last night, and I promise I'm not violating The Congo Self-Worth List project. Thanks for being concerned though, do you think you're my mom Twenchie or something?

The #1 thing I have to say about him . . . I didn't expect him to be gorgeous. But he was. Definitely. My online dating guys lately have all looked somewhat like their photo, but I'd leave thinking "Wow, that picture was taken on his best day ever." This boy, on the other hand, left me with the impression that photos will never do him justice. When I approached him and he turned around to look at me, my stomach dropped and the only thought in my head was "HolyshitheisWAYtoohotforme." Yes, all jumbled together like that.

Yesterday we played a little email game called Guess the Crazy: Brad Edition. The point was that every guy I've gone out with lately has proven himself to be somewhat insane within the first few weeks, and this time I was offering my friends the opportunity to predict exactly what the dealbreaker with this guy would be. I'm going to go ahead and post the entries here so that we can all look back on this post after he shows me the crazy and determine who the winner is.

Becca: immature, can't commit, following the Cubs around the country speaks for itself, "I try not to take life too seriously" = wants to (bleep) in your hair

LitreOfCola: clingy and obsessive too quick and possibly a mama's boy.

Kel: Let's hope he's past the beer can crushing on his forehead stage.

Steph: Oh, he's definitely cute! But, he does have the crazy-eyed thing going on. As long as his last name isn't Farrell, and he hasn't asked you to call him Captain, I'd say, medium to low risk crazy.

Stinky Ferret Boy: I'll guess he has delusions of being a Japanese albino dwarf. Watch me win.

Libby: Um, he has a good body. I think you two will make hot monkey love on the first date.

V4M: Some variation on macho moron and/or overgrown fratboy.

Jen: overly needy

TJ: nervous twitch and/or chronic masturbator

Culotte: The only possible thing I could glean from this ad is that his "slapstick" humor could totally suck."Comic relief" setting? That makes me nervous. Is he a professional clown? But, who knows, he could be genuinely funny. But overall he seems HOT. Go forth and DATE so I can live vicariously through you.

Jules: He has a ghost. Some girl he hasn't gotten over. You'll find out about her sometime around your 3rd date, just when you're really starting to like him.

Amanda: Judging by the fact that we're related and seem to live the same life, I'm going with: Great first impression, sweet and well-mannered long enough for you to get comfortable with him, and then at that time you will find out he has more baggage than any girl could deal with and/or he is an immature idiot who is too scared to live his life so he chooses to run scared and screw it all up instead..... not that there is a trend with the guys we date or anything

Libby has already been eliminated (ain't it a shame?). Everyone else is still in the running.

What's my prediction? I predict that he'll soon realize I'm not good enough for him. I know that's all sad and pessimistic and completely flies in the face of my recent self-confidence high, but damn it's hard to imagine myself with a guy like him. Something about going through so many fatass redneck assholes with bad teeth that makes a girl unwilling to believe there are good (HOT) guys still out there.