MiniDanica

I took this photo of MiniDanica in Madison on Sunday morning as a tie-in for the story about Danica Patrick possibly heading to NASCAR next season.  Get it?  Danica gets a new ride?  Danica tries racing something new?

Little did I know that this would possibly be one of the last photos I'd be able to take of my precious Minica.

On Monday, September 7th, 2009, MiniDanica was kidnapped from my home.  Foolishly, I didn't even recognize the abduction was serious at first.  My only contact with Minica or her abductors has been via an anonymous Twitter account created shortly after her disappearance.  Her initial "Help, where am I?" tweet didn't raise any red flags with me, until this photo was tweeted.

I checked the Prada bag on my IKEA bookshelf, and it wasn't Minica inside.  It was Mini-Sarah.  The abduction photo was soon followed by others.

No demands have been made and no ransom request has been received.  Two photos arrived in my email inbox labeled as "police sketches of kidnappers" but the lead has gone cold.

To the abductors, I am appealing to you, as her loving caretaker for the past three years, to please treat her with the kindness and respect that she deserves.  She has led a rather sheltered life with me and I would hope that you are not exposing her to anything sordid or morally bankrupt while she's in your care.  I would also ask that you tweet a photo of Minica with a copy of today's newspaper, so that we can verify that she is indeed alive and well at the current time.  Please let me know what can be done to secure the safe return of my treasured friend.

To Minica's legion of fans, I am asking for your thoughts and prayers throughout this difficult time.  We will get her back.  Please keep your eyes and ears open for any sign of her.  Minica's head does not bobble, but does look a little bit like Dan Wheldon with long hair.  She was last seen wearing a blue and white driver's uniform.  If you have any leads on the whereabouts of Minica, please contact me immediately.  No stone will be left unturned.

To Minica, if you see this, please know that I love you and I'm doing everything I can to bring you home.

Thank you.

With one group of my friends, IRL = Indy Racing League.  With another group of friends, the invisible internet ones, IRL = In Real Life.

This weekend at the Milwaukee Mile, I experienced both.

Here are some Indy cars, getting ready to start engines, both In Real Life and Indy Racing League:

This is my friend Catwmn, In Real Life.  On a beautiful evening in the fall of 2006, Catwmn brought Minica into my real life, and I will forever be grateful.

This is Minica.  For rillz.  At an Indy Racing League event.

This is me and Dano.  As a former invisible person himself, he is also here In Real Life, with some unreal hair.  (I blame my look on our transportation from Dano's house to Milwaukee.  As soon as I arrived, he handed me a full-faced motorcycle helmet and said "Here, see if this fits your enormous gourd."  And then he made me ride a motorcycle that makes no noise at all, as if there's any fun in that.  And I rode the silent motorcycle with a full-faced helmet, and I didn't talk out loud for an entire hour.  True story.)

Here's me and DuMom, keeping it real, Indy Racing League style.  Her ear plugs are shaped like beer bottles.  Also a true story.  She's rocking a sweet new Sarah Fisher t-shirt after this weekend, and I'm shown here wearing my 1989 East Bay Winter Nationals sprint car t-shirt.  God bless the day that I found the 1985-1993 box of shirts.

Next on the racing calendar is possibly potentially NHRA at Joliet on Friday.  Probably definitely Grundy County on Saturday.  Maybe perhaps Angell Park on Sunday, just because I'll be craving dirt after two days of pavement.

Meet me there!  In real life!  No really.

Minica: It was a solid plan.

Sarah: I can't believe I followed you in here, you freak.

Minica: I thought for sure that at least one of us would be able to reach the faucet.

Sarah: If I miss Springsteen, you're a dead woman.

Minica: I don't think you understand how much money we're talking about here.

I've gotten a number of inquiries about MiniDanica lately, given the recent IRL win by FullSizeDanica in Japan and her headline-generating hissy fit at the Indy 500.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get Minica to make an appearance and talk to you directly. She's very busy with a new project. I guess you could say that she has found her mission in life. She told me that she wants to give back to mankind, to help people, to lead the world by example. She took off with a cameraman and I haven't seen her in weeks.

But she did send me this . . .

I finally wrapped up the 2008 Calendar, which is all about Minica this year (and I'm guessing ever year after, by the looks of the requests).

I first want to thank everyone who participated in these photos, whether that meant screaming "You stupid Midwesterner, you're going to get hit by a bus!", or standing alongside Highway 251 holding a yardstick with Minica taped to the end of it, or comforting your scared children when I approached the man with the big gun, or freezing your junk off while I made sure that Minica's head was in just the right place. I appreciate that you all have the sense of humor to put up with me when I decide that a photo is necessary.

I would also like to apologize for the poor quality of the January photo, but knowing that it's the most famous Minica photo in existence, I couldn't in good conscience leave it out of the first calendar. One day I'll go back and recreate that photo in better conditions, but I haven't yet. Ho cow!

To order, click here, or click on the banner to your left, which I'll leave up until January or so. Thank you all for a wonderful Minica-loving year.

(click to enlarge preview)